Ode to a husband

A couple of months ago, my husband and I celebrated 15 years of marriage. In honor of this momentous occasion, we went to Sonic drive-in, and he ordered a milkshake while I ordered a strawberry limeade. That was our dinner. And we talked for about an hour or so in the car, and then went home. You see, at that particular moment, my beloved man was feeling especially stressed about spending money. Going out to an expensive dinner was not going to help the situation, in spite of the fact that it was our anniversary. Now, that being said, I must add here that we already celebrated our anniversary when we vacationed for ten days in the Caribbean in April, spending far more money than a nice dinner would have cost on our 'official' anniversary. But it really didn't matter, to either of us. We've become a little more in tune over the years with one another about what really matters, and it's acutally quite nice.

Here's my take on marriage. Marriage is hard. It takes a lot of commitment and work to be contented with it. It's not quite the fairytale you thought you signed up for. It can be stressful and ugly and smelly and uncomfortable sometimes. Most of the time, it is not romantic, exciting, thrilling and fulfilling beyond imagination. I'd like to think it's not just my marriage; if so, I think I'd prefer to remain ignorant of that fact.

To be fair, however, marriage (or my marriage, at least) has many distinct privileges/advantages/blessings - whatever you want to name them - that couldn't be enjoyed in any other way. There is something very satisfying about being able to trust another person with your most secret things (such as what your breath smells like in morning or the fact that you still occasionally wet the bed) and know that they love you no matter what. What a joy it is to never have to worry about helping my daughter with her algebra (since I am incapble of doing so) because her dad can. It is a comfort to know that I never have to change the oil in my car if I don't want to. And, for some bizarre and unexplainable reason, it amazes me that, no matter how I look, feel, smell, etc., my dear husband still desires me and finds me attractive (that's the big baffling one to me). It is a feeling of bone deep knowledge, marriage for me, that someone loves me enough to go to work every day and earn money to pay for a roof over my head, feed and cloth myself and our offspring, unplug the toilet when needed, and never comment on the condition of the homefront when I've been reading a novel all day, completely ignoring children and household to partake of a delightful little escape.

And so, it is with many words that I present to you a list of reasons why I love my dearest man. Hence the title, Ode to a husband.

1. He never smells bad. Even when he's sweaty and unshowered. Never - not his feet or his armpits or anything. It seems a bit unfair that I stink enough for the both of us, but there it is. My husband always smells delicious.

2. He's quite tall. I can't explain the feeling of being so miniature all my life, and to have married someone who towers 13 inches over me. When he hugs me, it's like he's the bread and I'm the pb&j squished inside, and I love it. I like feeling small next to him. Weird, huh?

3. He's hairy. Okay, I know this really bothers some people. But I've got to be honest: when I see a man's chest without hair on it, I think to myself that he's either: A. pre-pubescent; B. shaves or waxes away his chest hair for assorted reasons, none of which make any sense to me or appeal to me on any level; or C. he's potentially not really a man. Let's face it: people have hair. And, while chest, armpit, and facial hair aren't extraordinarily attractive on the female body (at least in my opinion), they seem quite in place on the male body. I like my husband's hairy chest. I like resting my cheek against it. It's soft and fuzzy and male and I like it.

4. He's kinda nerdy. He's a computer science graduate, for crying out loud! He speaks strange, unknown technical languages and can fix computer glitches in a single bound. He has strange hobbies, such as golfing and watching CSI. He's the most meticulous financial record keeper in the known history of mankind. He abhors paperwork and wants all things in life to be digital and wireless, or something like that. He remembers every football stat having to do with John Elway. His favorite store to go shopping with me on a Friday night is Fry's Electronics. He can tell you the date, time, location, inning, and weather conditions of every home run he ever hit. He's a quirky little sucker, and it's endearing. Something about the way he looks when he's playing with his Blackberry or IMing four people at the same time, it just gets me every time (sniff).

5. He loves his kids. Why this is so wonderful to me, I am not sure. But, I take great delight in watching this very large man wrestle, tickle, tease, hug, kiss, cuddle, and in all other ways lovingly care for his children. It always puts a smile on my face and makes my chest feel all warm inside when I witness him giving his attention and affection to one of our brood.

6. He's still pretty damn nice on the eyes. Sometimes, I'll look at him, with his nice suit and tie on at church, and feel the compulsion to text him with some naughty remark and waggle my eyebrows at him. He's always had a beautiful smile, a sweet backside, and legs that would look quite fetching in a kilt, I think. He's still got it.

7. He cares about people. I mean really, deep down feels compassion and empathy for people. He loves and honors his parents, and always has. He respects and enjoys the people he works with, and is uplifted from the associations he's made. He has an honest concern for the welfare of those within his sphere of influence. He believes the best in people. He likes being around others. It's a wonderful complement to his cynical, moderately loner-ish partner-in-life. I have seen firsthand, countless times, how affected he can become by others sufferings, and I think it's a great and wonderful gift he has.

8. He's smartalented. This one, I'll admit, tends to get my dander up from time to time, but it is true nonetheless. He knows things. He's able to do things. And, if there is something he doesn't know or cannot do, he generally will do what he needs to remedy that situation. He likes to be good at what he does, and he does what it takes to make it so. Sometimes I wish I cared that much, but usually it seems too exhausting an undertaking, and I'd rather not put forth the effort. But, I do admire that about him. Usually. Unless, of course, it's learning to beat me at pool or darts or something like that; then it kinda pisses me off. Otherwise, it's pretty cool.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, raise your glass with me, and toast a guy who rocks my socks off. Ooolahlah!